This recent post by Cincy prompted me to write about my own experience teaching foreigners English (albeit, in my case, indirectly).

Back in the summer of 2003 I took Russian language classes at Moscow State University’s Center for International Education, a division of MGU formed to teach Russian to promising young foreign Communists back in the days of the Soviet Empire. As for me, the American, what better way to spend my summer than sitting in a stifling hot classroom (no air conditioning, comrades!) cramming my head with verbs, vocab, and cases for five hours a day, five days per week.

Moscow State U. – breeding ground for future party bureaucrats

Our only respite from this constant barrage of language was our lunch period, which was spent in the stolovaya, or cafeteria. The decor was strictly Soviet – this was, after all, an educational center for the proletariat. The food, as you could imagine, thoroughly sucked, yet the Russian teachers, police officers, and soldiers seemed to enjoy it. We instead chose to purchase chips, candy, and soda from the outside kiosks, much to to the chagrin of the surly cafeteria ladies. I usually opted for a Fanta and large bag of bacon or chicken flavored chips (yes, they really have chips with those flavors). Nevertheless, it was a time for us to just relax and speak some damn English without our teachers yelling at us. We were an odd bunch – a few Yanks, some Brits, a couple of Spaniards, a south Korean, and a pair of Pakistani diplomats. Most of us were college students with an academic reason for spending the summer at CIE, while others were there because their oil executive or stockbroker fathers thought it best they learn the local language.
So one day we were sitting there when a CIE staff member comes barreling through, speaking so fast I could barely understand. Something about a computer, I dunno. Liz points her finger at me, and the next thing I knew, I was being dragged to the director’s office.

“They want you to fix a computer or something. I told them you knew stuff about computers.”

“WHAT! Windows is going to be in freakin’ RUSSIAN!!”

I got to the office and there was no computer for me to fix. I was thoroughly confused, until they introduced me to a representative from a language software company. She said her company was developing a new program to teach young Russians the vocabulary of their American counterparts and they would just need my help for an hour, hour and a half tops. I agreed, still unsure as to what exactly I would be doing, until she e-mailed me a list of subjects we would possibly be discussing. Oh man, I thought, they’re going to record me?!

I had spent the following weekend in St. Petersburg, and arrived back in Moscow on Monday morning, stumbling off the train and rushing to make it back to CIE, all while ridiculously low on sleep. Oh yeah, I could already tell that this “interview” was going to be stellar. I met up with the software representative and we hopped on the metro. The “studio” was located in a stereotypical crumbling office building/factory of some sort. Man, that place must have been buzzing with economic inefficiency back in the day.

They sat me down in front of a mic, gave me a mug of scalding hot tea (it was July, mind you), completed the sound check, and the questions started to roll in. The interviewer was a very nice fellow, and explained we would be discussing sports. Sports, hey! I can talk about sports!

Q: What are your favorite sports?
My favorite sports are soccer, baseball and surfing.

Q: Do you go surfing in Washington?
No, no opportunities for surfing in Washington, only when I go back to California.

And so on and so on. They had me explain the equipment you need to go surfing, so I covered the various types of boards, talked about the importance of a leash, and mentioned that wearing a wetsuit was probably a good idea. This was critical information that young Muscovites needed to know.

The next set of questions centered around a typical day in the life of Lindsay Fincher, student at George Washington University:

Q: What is your favorite place to eat?
We have a favorite place, called ‘Lindy’s Red Lion’, and it’s a bar and restaurant, and they have some… some very, very good hamburgers. I eat a lot of hamburgers, so, if a place has good hamburgers, then I like it.

Brilliant, Lindsay…just brilliant. If hordes of young Russians descend upon “Lindy’s Red Lion” while strolling around Foggy Bottom, now you know why.

Q: Do you have a vacuum cleaner?
I don’t have a vacuum cleaner myself, but each dorm has a vacuum cleaner in it, and if you want to use it, you can go downstairs and get it.

What kind of bizarre question is that?!

Q: What time do you go to bed?
I usually go to bed at two in the morning.

Q: Is this time enough to sleep?
Yeah. It’s enough time.

After the interview was finished, they handed me a nice, crisp 500 ruble bill (around $15 back then) as payment for my time. Ooh yeah, I ain’t reportin’ this to those suckas at the IRS. I promptly spent it on cheesy Russian souvenirs, like Soviet leader stacking dolls and propaganda posters.

I hadn’t given the program much thought after I left Moscow. I never knew if they had actually made it until, out of curiosity, I checked the company’s website about a year ago and found that it had indeed come out under the title “Frankly Speaking: Real American” (cue theme song from Team America: World Police, please). You can even buy it online for a mere 816 rubles ($30), just make sure you have at least a Pentium 200. Or, you can read the script that I found online (and from which I grabbed all the dialogue from while simultaneously reminding myself of what an idiot I must have sounded like). I’m listed as Lindsay Fincher, USA, George Washington University, студентка по специальности Political Science and Russian History in sections Спорт от софтбола до серфинга and День, как день. (Sorry if you can’t see the Cyrillic, but whatev, download the language pack if you are so inclined).

You know, I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone about this…except for my friends at CIE, obviously…but not even my parents. It’s just one of those things you forget about, and then remember and think to yourself, “That was pretty odd.”

Nevertheless, I hope that at least one Russian learned something from this program…maybe picked up a hint of a California accent, got a craving for a Lindy’s Hawaiian burger, or is now poring over a map looking for Russian surf spots. I dunno, surely the oil and gas mecca of Sakhalin has some waves? Just gotta watch out for those ice floes.

The best part of GW’s paper, The Hatchet, has always been the crime log. The latest issue certainly does not disappoint:

Disorderly Conduct
10/1 – Hall on Virginia Avenue – 1:50 a.m. – case closed
A student entered the lobby of the dormitory and began to yell at the officer stationed at the front desk when questioned for his GWorld card. The officer said that the student insisted he did not need to show University identification because he had “diplomatic immunity.” UPD was notified, arrived on the scene and determined that the subject did not have any kind of immunity – and was intoxicated. He was assessed, determined to not need medical treatment and was escorted back to his “embassy” in Thurston Hall.

Well, we finally know who Deep Throat is…Mark Felt, former associate director of the FBI. Honestly, the whole thing feels kind of anti-climatic. I don’t know why…it’s just like “OMG, we know who Deep Throat is now!”

“Who is it?”

“Mark Felt!”

“Oh, OK. So, how about those Nats, eh?”

So, how did Bob Woodward and Mark Felt meet? It seems that in 1970, when young Woodward was a dashing lieutenant in the U.S. Navy, he was sent to the White House to drop off a package. Upon meeting Felt, he discovered that they had something in common:
During that year in Washington, I expended a great deal of energy trying to find things or people who were interesting. I had a college classmate who was going to clerk for Chief Justice Warren E. Burger, and I made an effort to develop a friendship with that classmate. To quell my angst and sense of drift, I was taking graduate courses at George Washington University. One course was in Shakespeare, another in international relations.

So we had two connections — graduate work at GW and work with elected representatives from our home states.

And through these connections, they developed a friendship…and the rest is history. I expect that in the next few days GW Public Relations will issue a press release claiming some credit for bringing down the Nixon Presidency.

Ah, that reminds me, another GW-Watergate link that GW loves to talk about: The Hall on Virginia Avenue dorm.

I was one of the lucky freshman that scored a room at 2601 Virginia Avenue, the former Howard Johnson hotel right across the street from the Watergate (yes, my dorm was a former hotel, and yes, it was awesome…not many college freshman can say they were “neighbours” with Bob Dole, Condoleezza Rice, and Paul O’Neill…uhh wait, is that a good thing?).

On the 7th floor of HOVA, in room 723, you could find the former surveillance post of the Watergate burglary team. From this room, they monitored conversations between DNC officials, and, on the night of June 16, 1972, a lookout watched from the balcony while the rest of the group broke into the Democratic Party’s headquarters to fix the wiretaps. And what a great job that lookout did, eh?

But there is a lesser known room that was rented by the Watergate burglar James McCord (also a GW alum, haha) as a meeting place for McCord, Howard Hunt, and G. Gordon Liddy before they moved up to the 7th floor. It was room 419:

GW finally has a facebook (It’s kind of like Friendster). Check it out at gwu.thefacebook.com. It’s growing rather quickly…

GW named “Hottest School for Political Junkies” by Newsweek:
With a campus next door to the World Bank and down the street from the White House, GW is a poli-sci major’s dream. Professors often consult for the government, which gives their classroom perspective a practical edge. The school also encourages internships at government agencies, think tanks and advocacy organizations. And for a study break, students can check out CNN’s political-affairs show “Crossfire,” which is telecast live from the campus. Another plus: the fixed-tuition plan, which keeps rates flat until graduation. You don’t need to be a policy wonk to appreciate that.

DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I once had a professor say that GW was the only college he’s ever been to that showed CNN on all the TVs in the food court and gym…apparently other schools show sports. Sports? What the hell is that??? (Oh, and GW has a fixed tuition plan? Huh?)

One of the funniest Onion articles I’ve read lately, Online University Cracks Down on Rowdy Online Fraternity:
More serious infractions involved illegal activities. In 2002, several Alpha Sigma Sigma members were arrested for purchasing alcohol from Wine.com with falsified driver’s licenses and credit-card numbers. Then, in the spring of 2003, fraternity members hacked into the web site of rival University of Phoenix Online, erased its mascot, and placed a downloaded version on their own web site. Although no one was ever charged with the theft of the copyrighted clip art, the online fraternity was warned that further misbehavior would result in serious disciplinary action.

Hmmm…but Alpha Sigma Sigma was the GW College Dems frat! I still have my letters they gave me when I was a freshman…

Interesting article from The Desert Sun. Apparently the Cabazon Band of Missions Indians, a tribe based in Indio, is prepared to enter into an agreement with The George Washington University to establish a program that teaches Native American students the finer points of political management:

The Cabazon Band of Mission Indians is working to establish a center at George Washington University to teach Indian students how to lobby, run campaigns and work with the media.

A year’s tuition at the George Washington runs about $34,000.

Seems like a great program…glad the tribe is working with GW…really, they couldn’t have picked a better place to send their future politicians, lobbyists, and campaign managers.

I’m bored, and don’t have much to write about. Office Depot has been alright…not too busy, but that still doesn’t mean I want to be there. Here are a few places I’d rather be than Office Depot:

- Death Valley in July
- stuck in traffic on Interstate 10, with a broken CD player and nothing but Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity on the radio
- a Toby Keith concert in (insert random southern state here)
- seated next to several crying babies while on an 11 hour trans-Atlantic flight
- New Jersey

My work schedule for next week is pretty messed up. On Monday I work 6pm-2:30am and from Tuesday – Friday I work from 9pm-5:30am (and yes, you read that correctly). We are “remerching” the tech department which basically means that we are moving everything around and we can only accomplish this when there are no customers in the store, hence my crazy work hours. My sleep schedule is going to be extremely whacked, but I suppose it will be similar to the all-nighters I would pull during finals week…but instead of cramming my head full of facts about the Cold War, I will be moving merchandise around.

When I was in Moscow last year I purchased a map of the Soviet Union (along with a few trillion souvenirs). I finally got around to having it framed…now it hangs on my wall like so:

Have you ever wondered how rich people protest? In their limos, of course! Exiled Russian oligarch Boris Berezovsky organized a protest against the Russian government by attaching signs to 100 limos and parking them outside the Russian Embassy in London:

The limousines drove up and down Park Lane in West London before parking outside the Russian Embassy adjacent to Hyde Park. There, Berezovsky displayed dozens of placards and banners, whose slogans included “Free Khodorkovsky,” “Russian Business vs. Police State,” and “Russian Business vs. KGB.”

Moscow has been named as one of the 5 finalists for the 2012 summer Olympic games. The other finalists are New York, Paris, London and Madrid. Honestly, I don’t think Moscow stands a chance against the other cities…I’m guessing the Olympic committee just named them a finalist in order to boost the self-esteem of Muscovites….or, better yet, a Russian mobster bribed a few of the committee members (hmm remember the figure skating scandal?)
Russian border guards have been ordered to deal politely with travelers. Apparently, the guards now have to smile and greet you…wow…can’t wait to see this.

Dell is also running some amusing ads in Russia…I didn’t know Dell sold computers in Russia, but it turns out that they certainly do.

The ads for Dell computers go further still. One features a cartoonish anti-globalist babbling something about the power of the multinationals. In another we see a no less cartoonish intellectual complaining about the vulgarity of advertising and the corruption of the Russian language by Americanisms. Both characters then open their Dell notebook computers and the breezy announcer reminds us that whatever we might think about America, the quality of its computers is beyond doubt. You can’t help noticing that these ads provide no information about the computer itself and are prepared to sacrifice the product and even the brand to promote a more general message. Indeed, the point is that these ads are not about computers. They are intended to convince us that the system all around us is good, and that its critics cannot be trusted.

It’s a shame that the Russians never had an equivalent to the “Dude, you’re getting a Dell!” commercials that we had here in the U.S.

GWU was mentioned again in The Onion. I think this is the third time that a fictional character has hailed from my alma mater. Hmm is a GW alum writing for The Onion? If so, one thing is for certain…they must not have been a member of the Hatchet’s writing staff…those guys wouldn’t know “funny” if it ran up to them and pummeled their pathetic existence into the ground…they throw a few dirty jokes and poorly Photoshopped pictures in the April Fool’s edition and proclaim themselves to be masters of humor. (If you didn’t notice already, I am not the biggest fan of the Hatchet).

Enough rambling for now…

My Earthlink DSL has been down since last night and was just recently fixed. Apparently, the entire Southern California area was affected. How annoying.

Anyways, I uploaded all my photos from graduation week in DC. You can find them here.

I’m back in Palm Desert…unfortunately. I wish I was still in DC…I told that to a few of my friends and they laughed because all past semester, and the year before that, I complained about DC. Well, it turns out that I really like being in DC when I’m not in school…you don’t get to enjoy the city when term papers and massive amounts of reading take up a majority of your time. When you’ve got some time on your hands, though, it’s a pretty nice place to be. I think I’ll be moving back there after grad school. I love California, but not as much as I used to…

Laura, Cindy, and I visited our old freshman dorm, the Hall on Virginia Avenue (HOVA). I haven’t been back there since the day I moved out at the end of freshman year. It felt very odd to visit HOVA…not much has changed…we got to see our old room, #419…had the same sagging ceiling, chipped paint, and wonderful view of the Watergate.

On Saturday I attended the Columbian College graduation ceremony (since I was a PoliSci major…and yeah, we were definitely the rowdiest of the majors there). When I started at GW I was originally in the Engineering School as a Computer Science major, but my first programming class made me realize how much I hated CS (I also failed the course, which added to my frustration with the major I had chosen). I thought that I wanted to major in business with a concentration in information systems, so I took business classes for a semester, and what a mistake that turned out to be. The subject matter was boring and absolutely useless, and our assignments consisted of group papers and multiple choice tests (yes, I felt like I was back in the 5th grade). So I switched to Political Science and loved every minute of it. Maybe I should be thankful that I failed that computer programming course…

Graduation on the Ellipse was nice. (For those who have no idea what the Ellipse is, it is the “backyard” of the White House where various Presidential events are held). It rained in the morning, but by the time the Commencement started, the sky cleared up and we had a good amount of sun. Some might say too much sun, but don’t mind them – they are just whiny New Yorkers. One of our speakers was General John Shalikashvili, former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He remarked that studying in Washington DC at this time would be similar to studying in Rome at the height of the Roman empire, which I thought was an interesting observation. There were a lot of students with anti-Bush and pro-Kerry slogans taped onto their graduation caps…gotta love that. Trachtenberg also threw in an amusing statement at the end of his “Charge to Graduates”: “And you may now turn your tassels from right to left, as I hope happened to your politics in the last four years.” My mom said that some parents sitting behind her were a bit angry over that statement…leave it to SJT to stir up some controversy.

Overall, this past week was great…won some $ in Atlantic City, got to see all my friends, had a few rounds at Lindy’s, ate at Old Ebbitt, met up with one of my favorite professors, and finally graduated on the Ellipse. Pictures will be up soon…

My flight back to Palm Springs was delayed for a few hours…typical America West (aka America Worst). Another thing the really annoys me is when people bring those mini-rolling suitcases into the plane…oh, excuse me, you can’t wait 10 minutes for your luggage to come out of the carousel? I sat next to a lady today on the Phoenix to PS flight that had one of those bags. We were on a small plane, so the bag wouldn’t fit in the overhead compartment and of course she didn’t want to check it, so she put it under the seats in front of us but she took up my space too and told me I’d have to put my backpack in the overhead compartment…what the hell…well maybe I don’t want too! Ugh, those people piss me off so much.
Tomorrow I go back to work…not looking forward to it. Volume IV of Adventures in Customer Service is on the way…got quite a few complements this past week in regards to my previous entries…good to hear people are actually reading this blog.

Last night we went to Atlantic City…left the GW campus at 4pm and returned at 6:30 this morning. The trip was organized by GW and it was $32, but when we got to AC they gave us a voucher for $17 in chips to gamble with. I went to the slot machines and put $5 and the first time I pulled the bar I got three 7s…wooo $50 on my first pull. So I cashed out and took my $50, thank you very much. At Trump’s Taj Mahal I put $5 on the Jeopardy slots and worked my way up to $19, so I came home from AC with some cash.

Oh, and I got funnel cake…awesome. AC can’t come close to Vegas, but wasn’t as ghetto as I was expecting.

Today we are going to visit our old freshman dorm, HOVA! Oh, and also attempt to pickup our cap and gowns.

Well, my flight was 2 hours late into DC, so I got into National (NOT REAGAN) Airport around 12:30 at night. We skirted the Potomac when we were coming into land and had an awesome view of the monuments at night. We were landing and were literally 10 feet above the runway when the pilot decided not to land and instead climb to a few thousand feet and give us another scenic flight of the DC area…must have been a pilot in training. When I finally got to campus, Cindy, Rian, and I went to Lindy’s.

This morning we went to get Cindy some boxes and UPS Store was out so we went to the next nearest supply store…guess which one….OFFICE DEPOT. Well, I at least had a chance to put my employee discount to use. Tonight all of us are going to Atlantic City…never been there, but I know there is no way in hell it can top Vegas.