We got a bit of snow down here in our nation’s capital. Just a few inches, but you woulda thought it was worse than upstate NY if you watched the local news. ICE! SNOW! PRECIPITATION! COLD! Still, I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed, from the safety of my warm blanket burrito, in order to navigate the treacherous snowbanks of Columbia Heights, sans crampons and ice axe. I was convinced that I was the only person in the city who was actually going to work today, as the streets were eerily empty of people.
The Federal government delayed its opening for two hours, but I think a lot of Uncle Sam’s finest were taking the day off. Probably sleeping in, drinking big mugs of hot chocolate with little marshmallows, and burning through their Netflix queue like whoa. “Effin’ government workers! ALL THESE SIDEWALKS BETTER BE CLEARED BY THE TIME I GET HOME! I’m not paying taxes so you can sit at home and watch ‘I Love the 80s’ reruns.” No, I wasn’t bitter at all.
Inevitably, while trudging through the snow, the question of “WTF am I doing here?” will arise. Damn, I coulda been laying by a pool in California, drinking margaritas, eating some chips and oh-so-creamy guac from Las Casuelas, listening to Jack Johnson…but noooo, you had to move back to D.C., didn’t you? Idiot! Is it cold enough for you yet?
The upside of this horrible weather is that I now own the most kick-ass pair of North Face boots in the world. After hopping over countless puddles of nasty DC street slush (and nearly falling an equal number of times) I decided to head over to City Sports in Chinatown and purchase some proper winter footwear. No more pole-vaulting over puddles for me…hell no, now I can just plow through ‘em. They’re rated for -25F or something, so I’ll be prepared if I ever find myself, say, exiled to Siberia.
I tried shoveling our portion of the sidewalk when I got home but gave up after realizing the nice, soft snow of the morning had turned into impenetrable ice by nightfall. Apparently, it’s DC law that you have eight hours after the snow stops to clear your sidewalk. Uh, yeah, arrest me for not doing so, I guess. By the way, great job you guys did clearing the streets and sidewalks around Union Station…because that’s not, like, a high traffic area or anything.
John F. Kennedy once said that Washington was a city of “Southern efficiency and Northern charm.” Truer words were never spoken.