Three years ago my grandmother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Since I was living in either London or DC, I wasn’t able to see her much over the past few years. I always stopped by her house during my short visits to California, but each visit grew more painful. She had always been a very active woman, simultaneously involved in the community and maintaining a full social calendar, but she spent much of these past three years lying in bed.
I called her a few weeks ago. We talked about the weather, family, work, and my recent trip to Ukraine and Poland. She asked if I liked it out here in Washington. I told her no, not really, and that I was planning to move back to California next year.
She passed away on Thursday, August 9th. I was prepared to write a long post, but it’s still too hard. Perhaps another day. I did find this past article from the Rancho Mirage Chamber of Commerce newsletter, however. It’s how she would want to be remembered, anyways.
I flew back to California for a few days to attend the funeral. Afterwards, over 60 of our closest friends and family members gathered at Las Casuelas Nuevas, the site of numerous past family celebrations, for huge plates of Mexican food and free-flowing margaritas. She would have loved it.
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From Ann:
I’m very sorry about your grandmother. I lost someone myself today and I know how it feels. I’m glad that she’s finally at peace.
From annie:
Dearest Lindsay:
I’ve been reading your blog from time to time, since last July 2006 when I wanted to hook up again with your Mum before her birthday on 7/14. But your blog caught me up with all the Fincher adventures (London, Paris, DC etc.) & worked as a great substitute.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t read it since July timeframe this year due to travel etc. Therefore, I was very upset for you & your family, regarding Luella’s death this August, when I read your blog this am. I immediately tracked your Mum down & went to see her.
You’re very lucky in having had such a wonderful lady in your life & I know how much you appreciated her & how much you’ll miss her into the future. It is a passing of the proverbial generational torch.
Your family, headed by Luella & Mr. Fincher (John — I always called him Mr. Fincher — I’m old fashioned) & Peggy & Mike, not only opened their home to a young English immigrant but also their hearts. Their kindnesses, joviality & sincerity — meant my inclusion in all aspects of the Fincher life — birthdays, weddings, Christmas, Thankgiving, births (mentioning no names) ad nauseum.
Luella was always game for fun & her laughter rung around the house on any & all occasions. She managed to keep a child-like innocence about her that defied many of the trials & tribulations she’d had to face — from her early childhood in ND thru’ to financial tests at the beginning of her marriage to your Grandad.
It is the laughter in her eyes & the ice she always wanted to have in her glass of white wine (“are you sure you need ice Luella in your wine?” I’d ask never having heard of such a transgression — although now I must confess that I like ice in my Pinot Grigios — it must be an age thing). She introduced me to Mexican food & chili cooking & all kinds of shops on El Paseo. She was so much fun & she had a movie star glamour about her that could never be emulated again. When she’d walk into a room she lit it up with her smile & laugh. Not many people do that.
She just always managed a constant loving equilibrium that made it easy to be around her. She was kind to all the contractors, her kids, her in-laws, her sisters, just anyone that can into contact with her. She always wanted to help people which came from her teachings as a a child. She loved giving gifts — I often think if it could have been Xmas everyday — she’d have signed up for it. Maybe that’s her heaven — Christmas everyday, wrapping presents & making turkey & stuffing & putting out all those crazy Santa ornaments. I’ve still got bunches of them that she gave me over the years & will treasure them all the more now.
The only time I ever saw her upset of course, was @ your Grandfather’s death & she became ruderless for a couple of years — that was heart wrenching to see the pain in her face. The lights left her eyes & I’m not sure it really returned.
This last year I’d tried to see her 3 times @ her house, since you’d said she’d been ill == the last time was 7/19/07 when I was in town on business. Unfortunately it was not meant to be. I’m sorry that she suffered towards the end — but if there is a heaven — I know she’ll be the 1st thru the gates to see John & he’d be behind them opening them for her. They were so much in love. Mr. Fincher was the strong, silent type but you could see in his demeanour how he adored your Grandmum. No woman having seen this would want any less. It was palpable in the room & he indulged her so because of his love for her. It was awful for the whole family when your Grandad died. She lost her rock. But fortunately she had all of you guys — her Grandchildren — to care for & keep her going.
So I send you & your family my deepest sympathies regarding Luella. Your Grandmum was not particularly religious but she was the most Christian of people I know, because she always “did unto others..” in a quiet, respectful, non-showy manner. She was as beautiful inside as she was outside & I’ll always remember her fondly & with incredible tenderness. I wish I had more of her qualities myself.
Deepest sympathies
Annie Dillon
P.S.
The picture with you seated on Mr. Fincher’s fav paint horse is still on my desk — a gift from Peggy after his death. So you’re always in my thoughts too.