Dec 16 2008

Dear GW, my glorious alma mater

by in Uncategorized


I just received your most recent e-mail, in which you once again implored me to contribute to this fine institution of higher learning. What intrigued me about this particular e-mail, however, was that you asked me to donate money in order to support scholarships for athletes, including a basketball player named Travis who expressed a desire to play in the NBA upon leaving GW.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

A bit of advice, if I may. Asking recent GW graduates, many of whom toil in unglamorous office jobs that do not pay millions per year, to donate money to wannabe NBA professionals is a bit ridiculous. Perhaps in your next e-mail you could tell us about a student who wants to, oh, I don’t know, do something worthwhile, like cure cancer or work in a refugee camp.

Oh, who am I kidding? The next e-mail will probably ask for donations on behalf of Phil, the business school student who dreams of becoming a hedge fund manager and eventually purchasing a gigantic yacht.

Very truly yours,

Lindsay Fincher (B.A. Political Science, 2004)


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7 Responses to Dear GW, my glorious alma mater

  1. From Ryan:

    What’s funnier is that the chance of that guy actually getting into the NBA is pretty small.
    It’s also funny because almost every basketball recruit dreams of playing in the NBA … which would make this recruit no more special than the next.

    Posted on December 17, 2008 at 1:25 am #
  2. From Adam:

    Because of greedy people like yourself, I am not a star center for the San Jose Sharks. Merry Christmas to you too.

    Posted on December 17, 2008 at 5:51 pm #
  3. From Lindsay:

    LoL, Adam. You’re telling me you’d rather play hockey than work in construction?

    Posted on December 17, 2008 at 6:02 pm #
  4. From gypsy (can't put my real name when i'm bashing the employer):

    Dear GW Alum,
    While you’re off killing polar bears, defenseless (i.e. weaponless) GW officers are living off of top ramen noodles on a daily basis. These helpless officers dream of a day when they can arm themselves not only with BIG ASS FIREARMS, but with BIG ASS PAYCHECKS. you, GW Alum, can make this dream come true. Your timely contribution (coupled with your timely mail getting) is greatly appreciated.
    Sincerely,
    poor defenseless GW officer.
    (also, adam? SJ Sharks? Fail. I grew up there and still, fail. :))

    Posted on December 18, 2008 at 8:06 am #
  5. From Lindsay:

    Is there a “Firearms for GW Officers Fund”? Even if I sent a check in (haha, who still writes checks?!) it would probably be diverted to fund Travis and his NBA dreams.
    Oh, I GOT MY MAIL ALREADY, YO!
    And I don’t think Adam appreciated that comment about his beloved Sharks!

    Posted on December 18, 2008 at 7:42 pm #
  6. From jamie:

    i had season tickets to the sharks just so i could see the once a year game against the jersey devils at which time i could place my (very straight at the time) eyes on mr. scott garcia. sigh. yes, the sharks were good for one thing.
    ( i heard they don’t suck anymore…is this true!?)

    Posted on December 18, 2008 at 8:58 pm #
  7. From Adam:

    The Sharks are in fact good this year, first in the NHL to be exact. I have thrown many a shoe at the television in past years though…

    Posted on December 19, 2008 at 1:34 pm #

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