I just received your most recent e-mail, in which you once again implored me to contribute to this fine institution of higher learning. What intrigued me about this particular e-mail, however, was that you asked me to donate money in order to support scholarships for athletes, including a basketball player named Travis who expressed a desire to play in the NBA upon leaving GW.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!
A bit of advice, if I may. Asking recent GW graduates, many of whom toil in unglamorous office jobs that do not pay millions per year, to donate money to wannabe NBA professionals is a bit ridiculous. Perhaps in your next e-mail you could tell us about a student who wants to, oh, I don’t know, do something worthwhile, like cure cancer or work in a refugee camp.
Oh, who am I kidding? The next e-mail will probably ask for donations on behalf of Phil, the business school student who dreams of becoming a hedge fund manager and eventually purchasing a gigantic yacht.
Very truly yours,
Lindsay Fincher (B.A. Political Science, 2004)