The NYTimes reports on a topic familiar to anyone who has spent time in Russia during the summer months: a lack of hot water.

For all its new wealth and aspirations, spurred by a boom in oil and other natural resources, Moscow remains saddled with an often decrepit infrastructure. Around now, an apt symbol of its condition is the city’s hot water system, perhaps one of the more exasperating vestiges of Soviet centralized planning.

Buildings in Moscow usually receive hot water from a series of plants throughout the city, not from basement boilers, as in the United States. By summer, the plants and the network of pipelines that transport hot water need maintenance. Off goes the hot water. And in homes across the city, out come the pots and sponges and grumbling.

When my classmates and I first arrived in St. Petersburg in the summer of 2002, our program adviser gathered us in our dorm’s common room to go over some basic information – nearest metro station, class schedule, safety, whatever. At one point he added, “Oh, and they just turned off the hot water…yesterday. So that’ll be about two weeks without it.” We were perplexed by this. A centralized hot water system? The buildings don’t have individual water heaters? WTF? Still, the announcement didn’t really phase me. I mean, how cold could the water possibly be?

I regretted that thought the second I jumped in the shower and directly into a stream of teeth-chattering, goosebump-inducing, oh-my-god-did-I-just-jump-into-the Bering Sea COLD water. And so it went for two and a half weeks (until the pipes were cleaned and the faucets once again magically dispensed hot water). Some students preferred to boil water and use wash basins, but I was much too lazy to wait for water to boil and instead became quite adept at two minute ice-cold showers. One of my friends who was staying with a Russian family attempted to do this as well, until her homestay “mother” rushed after her, basin in hand, screaming that she would die of pneumonia if she took a cold shower. Thankfully, our class experienced no cold water-related casualties. The food, however, was an entirely different story.

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This recent post by Cincy prompted me to write about my own experience teaching foreigners English (albeit, in my case, indirectly).

Back in the summer of 2003 I took Russian language classes at Moscow State University’s Center for International Education, a division of MGU formed to teach Russian to promising young foreign Communists back in the days of the Soviet Empire. As for me, the American, what better way to spend my summer than sitting in a stifling hot classroom (no air conditioning, comrades!) cramming my head with verbs, vocab, and cases for five hours a day, five days per week.

Moscow State U. – breeding ground for future party bureaucrats

Our only respite from this constant barrage of language was our lunch period, which was spent in the stolovaya, or cafeteria. The decor was strictly Soviet – this was, after all, an educational center for the proletariat. The food, as you could imagine, thoroughly sucked, yet the Russian teachers, police officers, and soldiers seemed to enjoy it. We instead chose to purchase chips, candy, and soda from the outside kiosks, much to to the chagrin of the surly cafeteria ladies. I usually opted for a Fanta and large bag of bacon or chicken flavored chips (yes, they really have chips with those flavors). Nevertheless, it was a time for us to just relax and speak some damn English without our teachers yelling at us. We were an odd bunch – a few Yanks, some Brits, a couple of Spaniards, a south Korean, and a pair of Pakistani diplomats. Most of us were college students with an academic reason for spending the summer at CIE, while others were there because their oil executive or stockbroker fathers thought it best they learn the local language.
So one day we were sitting there when a CIE staff member comes barreling through, speaking so fast I could barely understand. Something about a computer, I dunno. Liz points her finger at me, and the next thing I knew, I was being dragged to the director’s office.

“They want you to fix a computer or something. I told them you knew stuff about computers.”

“WHAT! Windows is going to be in freakin’ RUSSIAN!!”

I got to the office and there was no computer for me to fix. I was thoroughly confused, until they introduced me to a representative from a language software company. She said her company was developing a new program to teach young Russians the vocabulary of their American counterparts and they would just need my help for an hour, hour and a half tops. I agreed, still unsure as to what exactly I would be doing, until she e-mailed me a list of subjects we would possibly be discussing. Oh man, I thought, they’re going to record me?!

I had spent the following weekend in St. Petersburg, and arrived back in Moscow on Monday morning, stumbling off the train and rushing to make it back to CIE, all while ridiculously low on sleep. Oh yeah, I could already tell that this “interview” was going to be stellar. I met up with the software representative and we hopped on the metro. The “studio” was located in a stereotypical crumbling office building/factory of some sort. Man, that place must have been buzzing with economic inefficiency back in the day.

They sat me down in front of a mic, gave me a mug of scalding hot tea (it was July, mind you), completed the sound check, and the questions started to roll in. The interviewer was a very nice fellow, and explained we would be discussing sports. Sports, hey! I can talk about sports!

Q: What are your favorite sports?
My favorite sports are soccer, baseball and surfing.

Q: Do you go surfing in Washington?
No, no opportunities for surfing in Washington, only when I go back to California.

And so on and so on. They had me explain the equipment you need to go surfing, so I covered the various types of boards, talked about the importance of a leash, and mentioned that wearing a wetsuit was probably a good idea. This was critical information that young Muscovites needed to know.

The next set of questions centered around a typical day in the life of Lindsay Fincher, student at George Washington University:

Q: What is your favorite place to eat?
We have a favorite place, called ‘Lindy’s Red Lion’, and it’s a bar and restaurant, and they have some… some very, very good hamburgers. I eat a lot of hamburgers, so, if a place has good hamburgers, then I like it.

Brilliant, Lindsay…just brilliant. If hordes of young Russians descend upon “Lindy’s Red Lion” while strolling around Foggy Bottom, now you know why.

Q: Do you have a vacuum cleaner?
I don’t have a vacuum cleaner myself, but each dorm has a vacuum cleaner in it, and if you want to use it, you can go downstairs and get it.

What kind of bizarre question is that?!

Q: What time do you go to bed?
I usually go to bed at two in the morning.

Q: Is this time enough to sleep?
Yeah. It’s enough time.

After the interview was finished, they handed me a nice, crisp 500 ruble bill (around $15 back then) as payment for my time. Ooh yeah, I ain’t reportin’ this to those suckas at the IRS. I promptly spent it on cheesy Russian souvenirs, like Soviet leader stacking dolls and propaganda posters.

I hadn’t given the program much thought after I left Moscow. I never knew if they had actually made it until, out of curiosity, I checked the company’s website about a year ago and found that it had indeed come out under the title “Frankly Speaking: Real American” (cue theme song from Team America: World Police, please). You can even buy it online for a mere 816 rubles ($30), just make sure you have at least a Pentium 200. Or, you can read the script that I found online (and from which I grabbed all the dialogue from while simultaneously reminding myself of what an idiot I must have sounded like). I’m listed as Lindsay Fincher, USA, George Washington University, студентка по специальности Political Science and Russian History in sections Спорт от софтбола до серфинга and День, как день. (Sorry if you can’t see the Cyrillic, but whatev, download the language pack if you are so inclined).

You know, I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone about this…except for my friends at CIE, obviously…but not even my parents. It’s just one of those things you forget about, and then remember and think to yourself, “That was pretty odd.”

Nevertheless, I hope that at least one Russian learned something from this program…maybe picked up a hint of a California accent, got a craving for a Lindy’s Hawaiian burger, or is now poring over a map looking for Russian surf spots. I dunno, surely the oil and gas mecca of Sakhalin has some waves? Just gotta watch out for those ice floes.

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Here you go…more pics from my summer in Moscow

Chris, Luke, and myself with our inflatable instruments of death – On July 4th we went down to VDNKh, an open air market/amusement park.  While we were there we bought these inflatable toys and ran around the park hitting each other with them.  The Russians thought we were INSANE, but it was fun.  We did look pretty odd holding these things on the long metro ride back to our dorm, though. 

The group at Peter and Paul Fortress – Eight of us took a trip to St. Petersburg for a weekend.  Here we are (minus Liz, who was taking the picture) at Peter & Paul Fortress.  Since we only had 2 days in St. Pete, Liz and I (the only people in the group who had been to St. Pete) ran the group like drill sergeants so the others could see all the major sites.  Whining about the amount of walking, the warm temperature, etc. was NOT tolerated.

Miriam, Liz, and myself in front of the Church of the Spilled Blood – Another pic from St. Pete.  Luke took this picture when we weren’t expecting it, thus all of our stupid poses.  We were deciding what to do in this picture…Liz and Miriam said we should do a pyramid and I said hey, now there’s a stupid idea…and said we should do the onion dome pose instead.  In this picture I demonstrate the “onion dome” pose.

Liz, Miriam, myself with my cool flag – Another picture from Church of the Spilled Blood, but in this one I have my cool “I *heart* Pityer” flag.  Yeah, you wish you had a flag like that…

Dinner at the Georgian restaurant – This is from my last night in Moscow…awww memories.  For my last meal I chose the Georgian restaurant, which we often went to because the food was so incredible.  There’s John, Miriam, myself, and Luke (with the crazy face).  Mmmmm Georgian food.

I miss Moscow and want to go back NOW.

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Due to school, work, and extracurricular activities I haven’t had any time to crop and upload all 240 pictures I took while I was in Moscow.  Maybe I’ll get it done after I graduate.

I’ve uploaded a few, though, mainly those of my Russian friends.  So without further delay, here you go:

Myself and Slava – Slava is an awesome guy.  He works as a security guard at GUM, the mall that borders Red Square.  He speaks English very well, and I met him at GUM while I was searching for a “Russian Santa Claus” to bring back for my mom.  We hung out a lot during my time in Moscow.

Myself and Roma – Roma is a one of Slava’s friends that came to Moscow for a few days.  He lives in Smolensk and plays basketball for the Smolensk Bulldogs.  Slava and Roma are HUGE basketball fans and know more about the NBA than most Americans I know.  Oh yeah, they don’t like the Lakers

Myself, Vanya, and Nastasya – Vanya, like Slava, is a security guard at GUM, and Nastasya works at one of the stores in GUM.  In this picture we are posing in front of the Kremlin.

Group picture – This is a picture of myself with Slava, Ira (Slava’s girlfriend), myself, Vanya, Alena, and Roma in front of the gates that lead to Red Square.  We would usually hang out in Alexander Gardens near the Kremlin or at the Karl Marx Monument acrss from the Bolshoi Theater.  I enjoyed hanging out with my Russian friends…I learned a lot about Russian culture and had the opportunity to practice my Russian language skills (which are still very poor).  I still keep in contact with Slava via email, and he sends me updates on everyone…I can’t wait to go back to Moscow and see all of them!

Myself at the Space Monument – This is a picture of myself posing alongside one of the walls of the Space Monument.  Like every monument built during the Soviet era, this one has a huge relief of Lenin leading the way…because even though Vladimir was long dead when the Russians sent the first man into space he still had a lot to do with their success!  Riiight.  Also notice that the collective farmers (along with their wheat) are at the forefront of this achievement, while the scientists that worked on the space program are relegated to the back.  Ah, I love socialist realism!

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Thanks to my one month in Moscow, I think I’ve acquired enough stuff to open up my very own Russian souvenir store here in the states.  Well, maybe not…compared to last year, I didn’t actually buy that much (amazing, I know).  Here are two things that I did buy, though:

This is a chess set I bought at a store on Starry Arbat in Moscow.  I actually saw this chess set at the souvenir market last year when I was in St. Pete, but I didn’t buy it because I didn’t know how to play chess.  I learned to play last month while I was in Moscow (spaseeba, Luka!), though, so now I actually have a reason to own a chess set.  Anyways, this chess set is US vs USSR.  The board has pieces of a world map on it, and the pieces have US and USSR colors and symbols on them.  The pawns are US and USSR leaders.

This is a matroyshka (stacking dolls) set that I bought at Izmaylovsky Park.  The dolls are (from smallest to largest): Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev, Gorbachev, Yeltsin, and Putin.  This is not your ordinary set of stacking dolls, though.  As you can see, each doll is wearing a hat.  I’ve never seen stacking dolls with hats, and these were so adorable that I had to buy them.

Nothing new going on here.  The desert is boring and I would give anything for another 2-4 weeks in Moscow.  We tried the new Las Casuelas in La Quinta…it was so-so…best to stick to the Cafe in Palm Desert or Nuevas in Rancho Mirage.

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After 5 weeks in Russia, I’m finally back in the US.  I really didn’t want to leave…Moscow is so incredible.  On Tuesday, my last full day in Moscow, I woke up early to get some last minute sightseeing done.  Sadly, Red Square was still closed, but I did walk down to Lubyanka to see the former KGB Headquarters and notorious prison.  In the evening I had dinner with some friends at the Georgian restaurant and then we went back to Shabalovka for cake and ice cream.

On Wednesday morning I checked out of my dorm.  It is kind of an odd process.  The dzherunaya checked my room to make sure I wasn’t stealing anything, for instance a desk or bed.  I had to turn in my propusk (entry card) which I was hoping to save because the stamp they used on it said “MGY – CCCP”.  She handed me another card which listed the number of bags I was taking out of the building.  I thought this part was really odd…when I left the building I had to turn in that card to the security guard, who checked it against the number of bags I was carrying out.  Very, very odd.  When I said goodbye to the dzherunaya she kissed me on the cheek like 10 times…no joke, it was crazy, because during my 5 weeks at Shabalovka I had only seen her one other time before I checked out.

A driver from MGU picked me up at the dorm to take me to the airport.  Liz and Luke skipped class that day and asked the driver if they could tag along to the airport.  We finally got to Sheremetevo-2 just in time for me to check in.  Russian airports are odd, as you can only check in/clear customs 2 hours prior to your scheduled departure, not any earlier.  I got in the line that was listed next to my flight number, but it changed, so I had to get in another one.  When I finally got to the front of that line, the customs officer told me to get in a different line.  The entire process was extremely annoying.  They finally screened my luggage and I was allowed to check in and get my boarding pass.  After that you stand in another line for passport control.  I am happy to report that this time (unlike last year) I went through the entire process without being yelled at by an irate Russian border guard.  By the time I got through this process, I didn’t have any time to check out the stores or, more importantly, exchange my Russian Rubles for dollars.  So now I have $70 worth of a currency that I can’t get exchanged anywhere but in Russia…excellent!  My plane from Moscow to Paris was an hour late taking off, and I was sure that I would miss my connecting flight to LA.  When we finally landed in Paris I had to wait for 15 minutes for the stupid terminal bus to transfer me from Terminal B to F.  The other passengers were really pissed off at having to wait…they kept screaming that they were going to miss their flight, but the airport staff would just shrug their shoulders and say something in French.  Charles De Gaulle Airport really sucks…the layout just seems really stupid.  My plane to LAX was about 45 minutes late taking off and was probably one of the most annoying flights I’ve ever been on.  It was a fun filled 12 hours of little French kids running up and down the aisles screaming their heads off, the lady in the seat behind me kept putting her nasty feet on my armrest, and one of the male flight attendants kept hitting on the girl sitting next to me.  Well, at least the food was decent.  We finally landed in LA around 11:15.  On the way to customs they have a huge sign that says “Welcome to the United States of America” and under that is a tiny framed picture of George Dubya…haha great.  U.S. customs was even more annoying than Russian customs because the lines are longer and you have to go through like 5 different checkpoints.  The passport control officer spent 2 minutes talking to me about Russia and then I got my bags and went through the USDA check.  The USDA officer asked me if I had any food and I said “no” because I’m sure by “food” he didn’t mean chocolate, turkish delights, tea, kasha, and instant borscht.  I got into Palm Desert around 2am.  It feels good to be back, but I wish I was still in Moscow!  I had a great time there and made some good friends.  Pictures will be up in a few days…now I gotta unpack.

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We had a good weekend in St. Pete.  Took the midnight train and arrived Saturday morning.  We stayed at the Herzen student dormitory and it was really nice…good rooms and the location was perfect – right behind Kazaan Cathedral on Nevsky Prospekt.  Since we only had two days there we tried to hit all the major attractions.  We went to Peter and Paul Fortress, the Kunstkammer, Hermitage, Church of the Spilled Blood, St. Isaac’s Cathedral, and the Bronze Horseman.  We also took a sightseeing cruise on the Neva River.

It was nice to see the city without all the scaffolding.  They really spruced up the main areas for the 300th anniversary…there is so much new stuff on Nevsky, too.

Liz and Luke were caught jaywalking by a militiaman and they had to pay him a 100 ruble on the spot “fine”, which most likely went straight into his pocket.  Ah, you gotta love the cops here.

I leave Wednesday I wish I could stay here a few more weeks.

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Today was my last day of class, yay!  We are leaving for St. Petersburg tonight.  Our train leaves at around 1am.  We are returning back to Moscow on Monday morning.  Should be fun, although 2 days is not enough time for a city like St. Pete.

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I didn’t believe it at first…yes, the Russians have closed Red Square.  They put up fences around all the entrances to the square, so you can’t walk on it.  How sad is that?  A security guard at GUM told me the government closed it because they were afraid that a terrorist might try and bomb St. Basil’s Cathedral.  Supposedly it will be open on Monday or Tuesday.

Not much else has been going on…yesterday we went to see Khruschev’s grave.  It was interesting, as he was the only former Soviet premier that was not buried along the Kremlin wall. 

We bought our train tickets to St. Petersburg.  We leave Friday night and get back Monday morning.  I can’t wait to see that city again!

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This was definitely a good weekend.  On Friday my class got out at 1pm (instead of 3pm like it usually does).  After class we went to a place called Stockmann’s – it’s kind of like Harrod’s of London, but not as large.  Nonetheless, it is definitely a place where only “New Russians” and expats shop.  We were mainly interested in the grocery store, which stocks Western delicacies such as Goldfish crackers and Pace Picante Salsa.  The grocery prices aren’t too bad…they are about what you would pay in the US, but the other goods are extremely overpriced.  We wanted to buy a spatula for pancakes, but there was no way in hell we were going to pay $40 for it.  After Stockmann’s we had dinner at TGI Friday’s (turns out there is a small one located within walking distance from our dorm).  I had the chicken tenders…very tasty.  All of the waiters spoke English, which was a plus, and also made us wonder if it was some sort of requirement that TGI Friday’s has.

On Saturday we went to Tsaritsyno Park, the site of a former palace that belonged to Catherine the Great.  It was never completed though, and was just left to the elements, so all that remains is the shell of the palace.  There is a large lake there, so Liz, Luke, Chris, and I rented a 4 person rowboat and went out on the lake for an hour.  The boat was uhhh…well, it didn’t tip over…I’m not quite sure it would pass a US Coast Guard check, though.  We docked the boat just in time, though, as it started raining extremely hard (it’s been doing that a lot lately).  I definitely didn’t want to be out on the lake in that boat during a rainstorm.  We ran for cover and ended up at this tent outside a church that was selling icons, bibles, etc.  I bought a cool looking icon, and the lady that was selling them told us that some guy started a Russian monastery in California.  Crazy…I’ll have to look that one up when I get back home.  Chris was sitting under an awning of the church and a priest came out and started yelling at him.  Then the militsia came over to Chris and asked for his documents.  We went over there to see what was going on, and when the militsia asked where we were from we told them the USA and they said “Oh, fine” and left us alone.  I didn’t expect they would just leave us alone like that, but hey, I’m not complaining.  Nonetheless, Chris has the honor of being the first in our group to be hassled by the militsia.

On the metro leaving the park I was sitting on the end of the bench in the middle of the car when I looked down and saw a large duffle bag just sitting there…no one around it or anything…and there were only a few people on the car, since our stop was pretty far out from the city center.  When we transferred trains Luke told a metro worker and she started yelling at some guy on the phone to stop the train at the next stop and check the bag.  Some moron probably just forgot his bag on the train.  They have been pretty conscientous about security due to the current suicide bombers at the concert and Tverskaya Street (and the metro car bombings a few years ago).

We ate at the Georgian restaurant again…the food is so incredible (the Georgians call their cuisine “table scraps from heaven.”)  I’d like to go to Georgia someday…seems like an interesting place.  Back at the dorm we had cake and ice cream because it was Luke’s birthday.

Today we went to Victory Park, which has a huge monument and museum dedicated to WW2.  We were going to check out the outdoor artillery and fortifications exhibit, but it started raining very very hard…the rain here is insane.  Now I gotta go back to my dorm and study Russian…class tomorrow!

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