So yeah, Obama totally won that debate last night. I say this mainly due to McCain telling the stupidest effing jokes ever, which is like an automatic fail in my book. Stick to your day job, old man.

Anyways, I had to go back and read the debate transcript because during the actual debate I got very distracted sending text messages to my friends about how ridiculous it was. Here are a few of McCain’s statements that caught my eye:

We obviously have to stop this spending spree that’s going on in Washington. Do you know that we’ve laid a $10 trillion debt on these young Americans who are here with us tonight, $500 billion of it we owe to China?

Yes, I do read the news and am quite aware of this ridiculous debt that future American generations will be paying off FOREVER. Hey, speaking of spending spree, why are we spending $12 BILLION DOLLARS A MONTH IN IRAQ?! I was under the impression that Iraq’s reconstruction would be paid for by their oil revenues, but perhaps I misheard the neocons.

You know that home values of retirees continues to decline and people are no longer able to afford their mortgage payments. As president of the United States, Alan, I would order the secretary of the treasury to immediately buy up the bad home loan mortgages in America and renegotiate at the new value of those homes — at the diminished value of those homes and let people be able to make those — be able to make those payments and stay in their homes.

Is it expensive? Yes. But we all know, my friends, until we stabilize home values in America, we’re never going to start turning around and creating jobs and fixing our economy. And we’ve got to give some trust and confidence back to America.

[...]

I think it depends on what we do. I think if we act effectively, if we stabilize the housing market — which I believe we can, if we go out and buy up these bad loans, so that people can have a new mortgage at the new value of their home — I think if we get rid of the cronyism and special interest influence in Washington so we can act more effectively.

WTF? I thought McCain was a Republican? Dude, those commies out here in Arlington must have gotten to him. He wants the federal government to buy up “bad” mortgages and renegotiate them based on the house’s current value? He wants to “stabilize” home values? The home values that are STILL TOO HIGH?! This is a ridiculously stupid plan that I’m 100% against, yet I’m glad he announced it because I love seeing idiots like Michelle Malkin and those guys at National Review bitch about it. It’s like they finally realized, “Whoa, our candidate totally sucks!”

On appointing a SecTreas:

McCain: You know, that’s a tough question and there’s a lot of qualified Americans. But I think the first criteria, Tom, would have to be somebody who immediately Americans identify with, immediately say, we can trust that individual.

Joe Six Pack for SecTreas?

My friends, we are not going to be able to provide the same benefit for present-day workers that we are going — that present-day retirees have today.

Thanks for the reminder, dude. And stop calling me your friend, dammit. There’s a reason I ignored your Facebook friend request.

Sen. Obama was wrong about Iraq and the surge. He was wrong about Russia when they committed aggression against Georgia. And in his short career, he does not understand our national security challenges. We don’t have time for on-the-job training, my friends.

Sarah Palin WTF?

I’ll get Osama bin Laden, my friends. I’ll get him. I know how to get him. I’ll get him no matter what and I know how to do it.

If you know how to do it, then why haven’t you done it yet?

And I’m going to act responsibly, as I have acted responsibly throughout my military career and throughout my career in the United States Senate.

Deviating from flight plan, slicing through power lines, and plunging Spaniards into darkness = acting responsibly?

Now, long ago, I warned about Vladimir Putin. I said I looked into his eyes and saw three letters, a K, a G and a B.

GAHHHHHHHHH! We have heard you say this line, like, A MILLION TIMES ALREADY! For the next week’s debate, please think of something else to say.

(And to be “fair and balanced”, I will write about a stupid Obama statement tomorrow. Or whenever I get around to it).

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